


To Find Oneself

by MoonlitLilium



Category: Kamen Rider Zero-One
Genre: Canon Non-Binary Character, Gen, Platonic Relationships, Trans Male Character, fuwa big trans, just some trans bbs bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29050071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlitLilium/pseuds/MoonlitLilium
Summary: Naki asks Fuwa about whether one can be lost from their own self. Fuwa figures the two of them are pretty good examples.
Relationships: Fuwa Isamu & Naki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	To Find Oneself

Fuwa’s train ride home was long and uneventful, much like the day that preceded it. Hiden’s president didn’t need him and there were no calls to action against any rogue humagears. Just a slow, boringly peaceful day. Something Fuwa never thought he’d say he missed, though he couldn’t really remember many peaceful days in his life. He wonders sometimes if his original memory will ever return. Not likely, knowing just how advanced ZAIA’s technology is. It saddens him to know that he’ll never know what it was like to be a kid, but at the same time he’s happy to be free of the burden of being raised as a girl. At least ZAIA respected him enough to not misgender him in his fake memories. 

He takes a quick glance around the train car. Mostly empty, just a handful of office workers coming home from their just as long and uneventful days. A voice announces Fuwa’s stop and he gets up, stretching his arms. The wheels outside screech to a stop as the doors open letting in the sounds of the platform. The air outside is crisp and cool, just how Fuwa likes it. This walk home from the train was always his favorite part of his commute. He lived in a fairly quiet area, but tall buildings could still be seen all around him with their glittering lights. He started home with a long, leisurely stride.

“Fuwa, can I ask you a question?” Naki piped up about halfway from the station to Fuwa’s apartment. They had been silent the entire day, not that they were very talkative to begin with. Fuwa was mostly used to having another person up in his brain at this point. His steps only faltered slightly before returning to his previous pace. He wasn’t sure what had prompted the question. Naki had a very esoteric way of thinking about things sometimes. Even with them in his own head he found them a bit confusing to understand.

“Shoot.” There wasn’t anyone around, so Fuwa just spoke out into the chilled air. Puffs of fog followed. Naki was silent for sometime, Fuwa could feel them trying to choose the correct words. He couldn’t read Naki’s thoughts per se, but he could generally get an idea of how they were feeling at any given time. He was sure it worked the same for Naki as well. Fuwa decided to stop at a park just around the block from his house. It was empty of course at this time of night. The set of swings looked particularly lonely, swinging ever so slightly. He chose to give them some company.

“Would you say you could be lost from oneself?” Fuwa slowly began swinging back and forth as Naki asked their question. He let his feet drag and stared up at the moon, not quite full. Lost from oneself, huh. The answer came to Fuwa’s mind almost immediately.

“I feel like we’re both pretty good examples of that in more ways than one. We both had our pasts stolen from us and were both kinda raised as something we weren’t,” Naki was silent once again, but Fuwa could tell they were listening. “I mean, you were there when I found out everything about me was a lie.” _And I suppose I was there when you found that out for yourself as well_ , Fuwa thought after. 

“I suppose you are right,” Naki said, a bit wistfully. If Fuwa had to put a word to how Naki felt in that moment, he’d say they felt grey. How utterly amusing that these two beings with stolen pasts and fates decided for them would come together in such a way. Though, Fuwa knew much of it was orchestrated by ZAIA. He did feel grateful that he was able to meet someone so similar to him, even if Naki and him didn’t talk much. They didn’t really need to, they already understood each other.

“I think it’s okay to feel a bit lost from yourself sometime, you know,” Fuwa starts. “You gotta lose yourself before you find yourself, as cheesy as that sounds.” Fuwa let out a chuckle at his own words. They weren’t the most characteristic of him, but they were something he believed. He’d been lost and found his way twice now. His memories of the first were a bit muddy of course, but he caught snippets of him with longer hair and uniforms with skirts, but it was mostly the feelings that stuck with him. His life being dictated by a set of rules that he had no control over. Fuwa was disconnected with himself. The second time, he remembered clearly. Learning his entire past was fabricated, that his entire motivation was based on a lie, it was like a rug was pulled out from under his feet and all that awaited him below was an endless fall into the unknown. But, Yaiba, Hiden, even Naki, they were there for him, they helped him find his way. He was sure there was someone like that in his past that helped him find himself the first time as well. Maybe he should try looking for them.

Naki, while unable to hear Fuwa’s specific thoughts, felt the wave of understanding and empathy that came off him. They let his words rattle around in their mind. It’s okay to feel a bit lost, because that’s how you can find yourself. Naki agreed it was incredibly cheesy, not at all something they could picture coming out of Fuwa’s mouth. But it did, and it was...comforting. Naki, being a humagear, was built with a purpose in mind. A purpose they no longer remembered. They figured there was likely a certain way they were supposed to express, as well, not dissimilar to Fuwa. Naki knew it wasn’t something they particularly cared about, however. That was one aspect of themself they were _certain_ about. 

“The president said his whole business was to help humagears find their dreams. Maybe that’s what helped me find myself again, finding a dream,” Fuwa wasn’t necessarily talking at Naki anymore, simply letting the words fall from his lips.

“A dream,” Naki’s sentence trailed off. Perhaps that was what they needed. A dream to lead them back to themself. Naki noticed something else in what Fuwa said. “Fuwa, would you help me find a dream?” Fuwa furrowed his eyebrows.

“You want me to help you find a dream?” Fuwa wasn’t going to refuse, but he was curious. “I don’t mind, but why me exactly?” Naki’s response was almost instant.

“I have two reasons. The first, you said yourself, we are incredibly similar,” Fuwa nodded. “The second, is that you mentioned Yaiba Yua, Hiden Aruto and myself all helped you. Having others around you seems necessary to locating one’s dream.” Naki had a point. He’s not sure where he would be now without the people around him. Wandering chasing ghosts from a fake memory? Naki would’ve been too, now that Fuwa thought about it.

“I’m sure the others would gladly help you too, you know. Jin too, seeing as how y’all are practically siblings.” Despite not having a clear idea of familial bonds, Naki knew that their connection to all the members of Metsuboujinrai could be equated to something of the like. Fuwa could feel a wave of relief wash over Naki and could even feel the hints of a small smile, prompting him to mirror the feeling. He rose, the icy night air finally getting to him.

“Let’s head home,” Fuwa said softly. Naki made a sound of agreement. The rest of the walk back was silent, but Fuwa noted Naki felt like they had a little more color to them.

**Author's Note:**

> Trans Fuwa refused to leave my mind so I needed to write this. Hope you liked it!


End file.
